Stuff

"When everything has to be right, something isn't." --Stanislaw Lec

As the year rapidly winds down, and the holidays loom large, like everyone else, I'm forced to start giving serious thought to gift giving. It is a slippery slope from Labor Day to Christmas. And because it is my family's good fortune to be among those who have fewer needs than wants, I admit, with all humility and gratitude, shopping for gifts has become something of a struggle. Bluntly put, nearly everyone on my list has as much as he/she should have. Enough clothing and jewelry, enough electronic devises, enough leathergoods, enough toiletries, enough stuff. More than enough. So now what do I do?

Two words. Gift certificates.

Ron and I are giving gift certificates this year and the reality of the whole issue of exchanging gifts has hit me hard. There was a time when making lists and combing through catalogs, or walking the mall for hours hunting down just the right item for each loved one was a ritual of devotion. Mostly it was a challenge to be met. A call to ingenuity and creativity. The moment of sheer euphoria reached on the day the last item is purchased and wrapped and I have grasped the security of knowing for sure that I am finally done. Some gifts even reaching the near perfection status. The last thing on the limp and ragged list crossed off. I did my best, I faced the challenge and have claimed success. All that is left is to watch with tingly anticipation as each person opens the carefully selected, much handled, wrapped and presented package for the inevitable reward of delight. From beginning to end, it is a process.

But now, since we have made the decision to give gift certificates this year, I feel an undeniable emptiness. The process has suddenly become more clinical than creative. Trying to muster up a sense of "personal touch" I have been thinking about how I will wrap up the paper gifts. It is no where near the same and has somehow managed to leach the joy out of me. I'm working through it. I'm digging deep for consolation by telling myself this is much better. Really. All recipients will be able to use their proxy gifts to reach optimum fulfillment. Right? They'll get exactly what they want with minimum hassle. Yes? But still it just doesn't feel right. Is this what is important about gift giving, precision?

It is not unlike the year we elected, as a group, to draw names for Christmas. This seemed so practical at first glance, given our numbers have swelled to crowd-like proportions. On Christmas morning the truth turned out to be as disappointing as it was sensible. We hated it. Not because we didn't get as many gifts, but because we felt that we had been robbed of the warm fuzzy feeling acquired only from the act of giving to all of the ones we love, not just the one whose name we pulled from a hat. Certainly it was cheaper, easier done and less messy, thus more pragmatic, and perhaps that is the reason we abandoned the plan and returned to our traditional gift exchange of excess.

It turns out that, however crass and burdensome the whole gifting issue has become, it remains rooted in the heart, not the wallet. Sure, we give and get a lot of stuff we don't need or even want sometimes, but what is consummately important isn't about the stuff at all. The ultimate significance is what each gift represents. It is the personal investment of time and energy. The extra time given that says to the recipient, I am loved, you spent time, not just money, giving thought to me. I fear gift certificates simply do not convey this, so I've concluded I'm really going to have to put some clever imagination into the packaging. Before this is over, I'm afraid it will have been easier to just go shopping. And like the year we drew names, the year we gave gift certificates will probably be abandoned and forgotten as another failed test in this ongoing experimentation called family life. Fortunately, there's always next year.

Merry Christmas, may your troubles be far away.