Real

I’ve been holding back, hoping someone would step up and speak out about this worrisome issue, but apparently it falls on me to say the hard words. Getting right to it: wrinkles are not the worst thing that could happen to us.

I know who is behind “wrinkle phobia” and frankly I’m disappointed but not surprised. The same demographic that coined the phrase, “trust no one over thirty” in the mid-sixties, is now insisting that we all get nipped and tucked so no one will know we are over fifty. How sad are Boomers who can’t let go of youth worship? More to the point, whom are we kidding? What are we afraid of? What is so distasteful about the body aging naturally?

Granted, when I look in the mirror in the mornings I see a stranger. The sensation of still feeling young but looking old is not unlike being held prisoner against one’s will. But is this a good rationale for having our sagging jowls stretched tightly up behind our ears so that we look like mummies? Does this justify filling our time-lined brows with deadly toxins or puffing out our puckering lips with artificial agents? Does painful surgery make more sense than growing old with grace?

I don’t get it but I think it all took a nasty turn along the way when commerce, seeking to pander to aging Boomers, the largest single group of buying public in history, started advertising creams for our hemorrhoids and pills for our acid reflux. Obviously someone noticed we were getting on in years and then some Boomer, recalling the mantra, must have yelled, “not yet!” Now, sprinkled in amongst the ads for financial retirement security and arthritis meds, we get subtle reminders that we ought to hold back the ravages of time with expensive secret formulas. Do you not find it ironic that there is more than one “reality” show devoted to makeovers? This is real?

I don't think so.

Real is the gorgeous platinum of my eighty-year-old mother-in-law’s hair. Real is the deep folds in the cheeks of my hard-working father-in-law. Real is the age spots on the back of my dear sister’s hands. Real is the thinning hair on my husband’s head and the spider-veins behind my knees. This is real life and more important than appearing to be younger than one's age those who know what is real also know what is most important about getting older.

Nearly every collection of quotable quotes includes wise words from Eleanor Roosevelt, such as: "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." and: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all." Yes, Eleanor gave us many good words to live by and her works and ideals have remained with us long after her life was completed in 1962. It's interesting to note that Eleanor is remembered for her beautiful mind and good heart, not her good looks. She also said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” Personally, I’d choose being remembered for who and what I was inside and what I contributed to the greater good over how young I looked in my coffin.

This is real.