The Dish

He did it anyway. Against my objections, which were numerous and mostly valid, I might add, my husband installed -" The Dish". We are now directly linked to space. I tell you it's a scary thought. Naturally, in any life altering circumstance, there is always an adjustment period, but I'm not so sure I'll fully recover from this one.

For one thing, now we have yet another remote control to learn and keep track of. This makes four. Makes me start hyperventilating just to think about it. You see, I've never been especially adaptable to these electronic things. I know just enough about my computer to be somewhat dangerous and I did finally learn how to correct the time on the microwave after the electric has blinked off, but I will never learn how to use a VCR; this is a given. There's serious blockage in my learning receptors in this area. Lord knows I've tried. I know my husband thinks I'm just "resisting".

And, truth to tell, he's right, but so what. I, at least, know where the on/off button is on the TV and don't even need the remote. He, on the other hand, will turn the room upside down looking for the always misplaced, pesky thing, missing a whole program during the search. Furthermore, I know how to select a program and then just watch it. He, however, will spend the first fifteen minutes, of any time-slot, channel surfing to see if there might possibly be something better. It's a male thing, I know. I've read it has to do with testosterone levels.

And, of course, with "The Dish" we have many more choices - not necessarily choices to watch, mind you, but choices to read about if we should wish to purchase them separately, above and beyond the monthly fee. So now, I venture to say, we spend much more time reading about what we could watch than actually watching anything. Did you know there are nineteen different all sports channels? Boggles the mind. To top it off, we still have cable because I didn't want to feel like I was out of town every time I watched the news. So, this gives us even more choices. I believe I read somewhere there are medical studies in progress that link too many choices with migraine headaches.

I do enjoy The Learning Channel and The History channel. I'll concede this. But these gains are hard to weigh against the dreaded weekend illness known as Movie Overdose - the symptoms of which are stiff back and joints and blank, vacuous staring.

Maybe this will eventually pass and we'll finally be able to strike a happy balance between Digital World and real life. I hope so. Longer days and warm weather are coming, thank Heaven. In the mean time, I guess I'll just have to find better hiding places for that darn remote.