Like most creative people I have a bizarre resume. In fact, for most respectable, definable positions of employment, I'm largely unemployable. In my lifelong quest to sample everything, I've managed to experience myself right out of the conventional job market. I've been thinking about this lately, because every New Year I do a self-evaluation to see where I've been and where I'm going. I dug deeply this time and I have a few confessions.        

First, and foremost, I can't sell - anything. When I had a small art and Gift shop, my customers had to convince me to take their money. I have even been known to talk a shopper out of something, if I thought it wasn't right for her. Could be why I don't have the shop any more. This character flaw goes back, way back, to my Girl Scout cookie selling days. I remember knocking, with trepidation, on the door, holding up my box of cookies and telling my neighbor, " I know you probably won't want to pay fifty cents for these cookies, it's a lot, okay, thanks anyway." A classic candidate for Dale Carnegie, eh?

Secondly, my creativity will never be motivated by profit. This one is a hard pill to swallow when you live with an accomplished business person who believes every action and reaction should have a dollar value.

Last, but not least, I am an inveterate homemaker (which is the accepted politically correct term for housewife.) There, I said it. During the dynamic sixties and seventies women were encouraged to find themselves through careers so, I dabbled at it, after my youngest started high school, but I never really found my place in the corporate world. It is possible I went back to work just so I could say I was a-this or a-that instead because, like so many others, when filling out applications, I have experienced the degradation and humiliation of the title "housewife".

In recent years, even though there has been a shift in society's collective attitude about women who don't work outside the home, the negative images still persist. I have to tell you I really hate the term "stay-at-home-mom". I remember one fine spring day, the year before I opened my shop, I took my grandchildren to a local park. Two young women sat chatting as they watched their kids climb and play. I struck up a conversation with one of them and, as usual, the issue of "what do you do" reared its ugly head. In this setting, I figured I was safe saying I was a professional craft designer and worked out of my home. She responded with that old familiar look of doubt and the unspoken question, "professional what?" She told me the other woman had a home based computer business and then began to hesitate, groping for the words to explain what she did, finally admitting, "I don't do anything". Then she quickly added, "I'm just a mom." My mouth dropped open. Now, normally, I'm not especially outspoken to strangers, but this climbed all over me. I replied to her, "There is no more important job, and never let anyone tell you otherwise." Unfortunately, I could see in her face, my words, alone, would never be enough to elevate her self-image. What a shame.

So, here it is, my confession for the New Year. Simply put, I am a stay at home wife, mother, grandmother and daughter-in-law. And even now that I have a home based business and it is easier to tell someone what I do, I am so strongly identified with what I have been for so long, I often forget to mention the columns and design work and refer to myself proudly as a homemaker. The emphasis is on "proudly".

Having said that, I might as well confess that what I am to my core is a housewife. I admit I love folding clothes, sorting and stacking them into neat, sweet smelling piles. I am deeply satisfied and enjoy the serene inner peace of a newly cleaned house. What is better than the comforting aroma of something tasty and nourishing, floating from the kitchen, that I have created, as poor Ron is dragging in the door after doing battle with the beast of commerce all day. And contrary to the diminished image of housewifery, in this capacity, I am fully able to find creative and productive ways to use my intelligence.

Most of all, I love sitting with a cup of coffee, as the day begins, spending quiet time with the Lord instead of ensnarled in traffic. And, ultimately, I love being able to use all of my creativity doing what I do, instead of just the part a boss needs. More than anything I am truly grateful I am allowed to be what I am. I know there are those who would gladly take my place. To never take this for granted is my New Year's resolution.

 

For the New Year, as we wrap up this millenium, I wish for you the freedom to meet, face on, who you are, and the grace to be proud of it.