The High Road

I recently had an opportunity to discuss the issue of the value of character-building and life choices in an online forum I belong to. It made me recall another discussion from years ago, when I had just dived into the online experience. One of my first forum involvements was in a woman's chat group. I was the newbie just trying to figure out how it all worked and so I rarely posted. I read mostly. But one day there was a rather sad plea for advice from one of the regulars. She said she was dying of cancer. She was married to a "nice guy" (her words) and had two beautiful (her words) teenaged daughters. Her dilemma was centered in the fact that she was in love with another woman. She wrestled with the decision to come out of the closet, risking devastating her family, especially her daughters, and live out the remainder of her days with the woman. She also tossed in the issue of insurance, which her husband provided for her through his employment and it was this insurance that paid for the expensive chemo treatments. Her question was, should she chuck everything, abandon her family and spend whatever time she had left with the woman she loved?

The responses were predictable. "Oh, you have to go with your heart!" "You owe it to yourself to do something for YOURSELF!"

Blah, blah, blah.

I couldn't hold back. This is what I posted:

You might have guessed that I quickly experienced my first cyber-flaming as response to my post. In fact, I was chastised to a nice toasty crisp. They all jumped on me like frogs on a fly. I discovered that I was insensitive and old fashioned. I was some kind of religious freak. I needed to come into the twentieth century. I should keep my narrow, mean-spirited point of view to myself. How dare I post such unbelievably cruel words?

Imagine that. Speaking to honorable action is now considered cruel words in this self-love society we live in. How did we get to this place?

I didn't hang around after that because I was pretty sure I would never be able to express my peculiar "old fashioned" POV on any issue after that so no need to waste any more time in there. I did always wonder what choice she ultimately had made. I'd have to guess that she is likely long gone by now. I had a feeling she probably didn't take the high road, though, and bequeathed to her nice guy husband and two young daughters a deep dark pain to deal with for the rest of their lives. And the truth is it would have been the same if it had been another man instead of a woman. Her choice was not about gender; it was about self.

Taking the high road is rarely easy, of course. The very nature of character enhancement is difficult or it wouldn't work. But what good is character in this case, you might ask? What good would it have done her? Once again, it wasn't about her at all. It was about those she left behind.

Taking the high road is about choosing to live well and die even better.