Flaws

I never have time to watch daytime TV, but sometimes I turn the small one on in the kitchen to keep me company when I am working on recipes, usually tuned into the Food Channel. One day recently, I was otherwise focused on the problem at hand and looked up and realized the noise coming from the corner was not the Food Channel but rather a mid-day talk show. The topic was about women who had decided they were happily overweight and content with their size. That got my attention.

The featured women were individually showcased and one by one their personal stories were presented, each summing up their lifelong struggles and failures to lose weight. Each had come to the conclusion that the time had come to stop fretting over their dress size and move on to other more satisfying occupations of their time. The host, however, seemed intent on destroying their resolve and self-acceptance. His focus appeared more on bringing them back to his definition of reality. Oh, he was sympathetic and understanding but, once they were together on the stage he asked them all, "You say you are happy with the way you are, but if you had a foolproof way to lose the weight, would you?"

This pointed question put the ladies in an obviously compromised position. If they said yes, then they would have to admit that they were lying about accepting themselves as is. If they said no, they opened themselves up to ridicule. It pained me to see them struggle to find the words for an effective reply that would not put them on the defensive.

This is why I can't watch these kinds of shows. I get all frustrated because I instantly knew what their answer should be, but I couldn't crawl inside the TV and sit with them as their spokesperson. If I could have, this is what I would have said:

Yes, if there were a foolproof way for me to be thin, I would. But mind you it wouldn't be for self-image. It would be more for making my life in a "thin-worship" world easier because it would be the shortest distance between the two points of who I am and whom the world perceives me to be based on my appearance.

This is because, regardless of the political correctness of this age where we are encouraged to embrace diversity, we say we do, but we don't, not really. Are we uncomfortable when we pass someone who is noticeably disabled, do we avert our eyes? In a waiting room if there are two unoccupied chairs, one sitting next to someone who is fashionably thin or the other next to an overweight person, which do we choose? When Simon Cowel told the contestant in the American Idol auditions that she had a good voice but that she needed to lose weight, he was boo-ed by the audience. But I'd bet the farm that most people watching, even those who chided him, secretly agreed with him. Not that it was right, but because we have been conditioned to expect certain images as standard. Women, in particular, are expected to be shapely and thin first, with talented and intelligent tallying in as close seconds.

Like it or not, it is easier to be thin. Granted, obesity is not healthy, but for the most part the majority of us are not runway-model thin, anyway so what is this obsession with skinny? Why isn't it okay to be a size 14 or 16 instead of a size 4 or 6? I think the rationale is as complex as the human psyche. Thin represents self-control, fat speaks of gluttony. Thin is accepted as more intelligent, fat equates to slovenly and ignorant. Thin says, "I care about how I look", fat says, "I don’t care." What is missing is all the pertinent truth, hiding underneath, that image alone can't tell us.

Being thin won't make life easier, for sure, but not being thin makes life twice as hard, absolutely. What we need to believe is that a person's value should not be gauged by body size. I would have told that talk show host this, if I had been there on his show. I also might have thrown in, for good measure, that most of us are flawed in one way or another. It is a shame that those who are able to disguise their imperfections seem to find acceptance far quicker than those who cannot. The counter-balance to this obviously tipped scale is that the most well-adjusted people are those who embrace their imperfections as assets rather than liabilities. Those who think in terms of self-worth based more in contributions to the greater good inspite of their flaws know the secret to a fulfilling life. Writers, artists, poets, statesmen, philosophers, volunteers, teachers, caregivers, ministers, the list is long for those who make a real difference in this world. Interestingly, they come in all shapes and sizes.

Amazingly enough, sometimes they are even thin.