Birthdays

Every year, around mid-May, friends and family ask me what I want for my birthday. In the past I have usually responded, “World peace.” Frankly, given the sorry state of the world, I’ve rather given up on this lofty dream, so push coming to shove, I’ve devised a new answer.

I could use a clone/robot.

She/it needs to adore cleaning toilets and other grunt work. Her reaction to being told to mop the kitchen ideally will be fifteen seconds of clapping and yahooing. Furthermore, when told to sort/file/tidy my office, puddles of joy should glisten at the corners of her eyes. Yes, a clone/robot devoted to cleaning up behind me would be the perfect gift.

Unfortunately, we all know it’s not going to happen anymore than homosapiens suddenly waking up loving and respecting each other. Outside of those two things I can’t think of anything I need or want with the possible exception of a Clock stoppers watch. You know, the watch that speeds you up as the world inches along behind you. I’d take one of those.

You see, at fifty-seven, I’ve reached that place where people and time take precedence over things. I’ve got more jewelry than I could wear in two lifetimes, enough electronic devises and more kitchen gadgets than Emeril. Yes, I have plenty of things. But I do understand and appreciate the desire of those who love me to want to honor me with a physical something or other. I also am sympathetic with their plight at trying to find that perfect item that I might really want instead of wasting money on something I can't use. But what do you get for someone who has everything, anyway?

I feel their pain, I really do.

The truth is, gifts don’t matter to me at all. Secretly, even as a child, I have always felt that my birthday was a genuinely special day that I share privately with God. It has been a day for me to reflect on where I’ve been, where I’m going and to quietly give thanks for my life and my blessings. It has also been the day I grant to myself, once a year, to do whatever seems right, with no guilt about dishes left unwashed, clothes heaped in a pile needing to be folded. It is a day for me, given by God.

On reflection, thinking about all the gifts I have ever been given, I know that the best was salvation anyway.

Not even a toilet-scrubbing clone could top that.